Fortunately, I caught myself in time and realized how much self-esteem and confidence it must have taken to attempt such a creation. Now, years later, that son is an industrial designer. I know that his ability to create and design is due to those early attempts which helped foster this confidence, something I nearly smothered with that first unspoken impression.

I believe that building children’s self-esteem is a process. It takes time to get into the habit of constantly thinking, “Why is my child doing what he is doing? What does he really need? How can I create situations so that he can find a better way of handling his feelings? How can I adjust our family routine so that each of us can be at his best?”

Parents need to remember that each child learns and develops at his own pace, but there are specific times or “significant moments” in a child’s life when he needs certain direction, skills, attention or encouragement.
The first significant moment is during infancy. At this time he needs a lot of physical contact. The baby then quickly learns to respond to the contact he has with others.

The second is usually between one and three where he is beginning to make independent decisions. Choices become valuable ways to help him accept suggestions, yet still feel good about himself. For example, “Do you want a cheese sandwich or a peanut butter and jelly one?” Although still under your control, the child feels that his decisions count. If he learns the natural consequences to his actions, he learns to abide by rules.

Another significant moment is between four and six, when he needs more independent thinking opportunities. At this time he likes the security of favorite activities repeated such as a story time, etc. While reading a book together, he is ready to be asked, “What do you think will happen?” Creative activities will also help his self esteem.

If a child has enough successful creative encounters—socially, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and physically—he will enter school with a good self-image. So just how do you do this?

Remember the following:

• Be positive – don’t use negative comments; respect your child.
• Believe in your child so he can believe in himself – play down mistakes; communicate confidence.
• Focus on his assets and strengths – although helping him do things that are difficult is important, don’t forget to emphasize what he does well.
• Recognize his effort and notice his improvement – reward positive behavior on the part of the child.
• Encourage rather than praise – praise is a reward based on competition, for winning. Give encouragement for effort or improvement.

Without fear of rejection, he learns the best ways to cope and how to feel comfortable with appropriate behaviors. When a child is learning through the satisfaction of positive interactions, instead of negative punishments for misbehavior, he begins to internalize values and standards more quickly and gain a positive self-image and self-mastery.

As we recognize him as a worthwhile human being, the child can develop his true potential and become a successful adult.

• Check your coat closet: With your child, go to the coat closet and pull out all the old coats that nobody wears anymore. Take them to the local homeless shelter that serves families. Allow your child to go along and possibly meet another child who might need their coat. Your younger child may not completely understand what is happening, but they’ll surely feel the good feelings that come from giving.
• Donate old toys: Go through old toys together with your children. Make sure you explain to your child what you plan to do and let them help pick out the toys to be given away. Choose clean toys that aren’t broken. If your child really doesn’t want to give a certain toy away—don’t try to force them and make an issue out of it. They will benefit from being consulted and will get into the spirit of it once they have a chance to get more involved.
• Participate in food drives: So many of us take one or more children to the grocery store with us when we shop. One idea, to help them feel ownership of the project, might be to save a little bit each time you go shopping. Have your older kids help you figure out how much money you might save from using coupons, or getting an item on sale. You can even add the amount you saved by not buying a treat. Keep the money in a jar or envelope. When there is enough to buy a few things, take the children grocery shopping with the sole intent of picking up non-perishable food items for a shelter or food bank. Have your children join you to drop the food off at the food bank or food drive.
• Sponsor a needy family: My greatest memories of Christmas as a child were ringing the doorbell of a home, running and hiding behind a snowbank or a parked car with my family. No, we weren’t playing a trick, we had placed presents, food and even a tree on the front porch of a family in need. We waited with anticipation to see the joy on the children’s faces. We were involved in the shopping and present wrapping, and even picking out a tree. Often, we gave up a toy we wanted in order to provide for this other child. What a powerful lesson to learn young. There are many ways to do this with your family. Most malls and community centers will have a “Giving” or “Wishing” tree. Sub-4-Santa is also an excellent organization that can coordinate your family with a family in need.

No matter what you choose to do to introduce these activities to your children, remember that it will mean more to them if they are really involved. Also remember, you are never too young to feel good by giving.

The level of performance required on a chore should be matched to the *age* and *ability* of the child, but you’d be surprised about the many things that children can do even at a young age. For instance:

* *Helping to sort the laundry* into piles of whites and darks for washing. It’s an easy way for them to learn to recognize colors, and it helps you as well!
* *Helping to fold towels* or washcloths after the laundry is completed.
* *Emptying the silverware* out of the dishwasher. I put the silverware rack on the table with the insert from my silverware drawer. An added bonus about this chore is that you’re teaching them about recognizing shapes and sorting as well.
* *Putting toys away*. we’ll cover this in depth in a later issue, but, from an early age, children need to learn to put away what they take out.
* *Watering plants*. If your plant is finicky, make sure you fill the pitcher or glass that they’re using for watering with just the right amount of water
* *Cleaning out the inside of the car.* Picking up things that may have fallen under the seats and then using a Dustbuster® or vacuum with upholstery attachments to vacuum the carpets and seats.

What do you do to encourage your children’s learning to work at home?

• Linguistic: thinks in words
• Musical: thinks through rhythm, tone, melody
• Logical-mathematical: thinks in patterns, abstract reasoning
• Naturalistic: relates to the natural world
• Spatial-visual: thinks visually, relates to charts, maps, images
• Bodily-kinesthetic: learns through movement, touch, hands-on experience
• Intrapersonal: thinks internally and works best alone at own pace
• Interpersonal: thinks through interaction with others

Each of us may be stronger in one area than in another. And maybe we are strong in a few areas. Our children also may have strengths in some areas and weaknesses in others. The public school system tends to be formulated around performance in just a few of these intelligences. Mainly linguistic and logical-mathematical. Not every child will excel in these two areas or even in both. As a mom of a preschooler, your child has not yet come into direct contact with the school systems measurement of intelligence. One of your biggest jobs as a parent in the next 13 plus years is to help your child find success when they attend school. Here are a couple of suggested ways to help your child succeed with whatever types of intelligence they have. (See “How your child is smart.” By Dawna Markova (Conari Press, 1992)

• Linguistic children often learn more easily by reading about a subject. So, writing out the steps to solve problems may help these kids with math.
• The logical-mathematical child can often learn to spell better if shown the patterns of letters and root words inside larger words.
• Capitalize on spatial-visual strengths by helping your child create charts, graphs and symbols to represent the things he is trying to learn.
• The child whose strengths are intrapersonal may need a quiet place to do homework or study. Help her find a spot that suits her, where she can have some privacy.
• The interpersonal child may prefer to work close to you and to share what he is doing, or may want to discuss projects with other classmates.
• Help your child identify his own strengths and ways of being smart, and let him know that all styles of intelligence are valuable.

How Your Child is Smart, by Dawna Markova, Conari Press, 1962.
Frames of Mind: A Theory of Multiple Intelligences, by Howard Garner, Basic Books, 1963

*clairity*

While many of the activities in Teach Me Mommy are geared toward creative arts (painting, sculpting, singing, and so forth), I’ve decided to write a few posts about physical activities that you can do with your preschooler to encourage the development of the grosser parts of life.

Of course, by “gross”, I’m referring to gross motor skills or your child’s ability to control his or her own movement. Does she understand simple space directions of forward, backward, up, down, and sideways? Can he walk through an obstacle course and steer himself visually so he avoids running into the obstacles? These are a part of developing total gross motor skills and the first step is body awareness.

Body awareness concerns the child’s knowledge of his own body and the body parts. Can the child touch and identify head, eyes, nose, ears, shoulders, arms, elbows, hands, body, chest, legs, knees, ankles, and feet? Does the child have an understanding of two sides of his body, a beginning awareness of right and left?

The concepts can be developed with a little help at home. This help does not have to be a highly structured situation. They can be taught as an everyday part of living with just a little effort on the part of Mom and Dad and even older brothers and sisters.

When attempting to help your child develop these skills, do your best to avoid becoming overly serious. A light mood, an element of play, add much to the enjoyment of learning‐we are not strength training or preparing your child for the Junior Olympics!

To begin, start with some general body manipulation exercises:

Arm swings

• Have your child raise his arms and swing them in a full circular swing. Encourage the movement to come from the shoulder keeping the elbows as straight as possible.
• Have them swing one at a time
• Go forward, go backward, make small circles then larger ones

Form a body ball
Have your preschooler like on her back. Direct her to quickly coil into a ball with her hands encircling her knees Have her return to a supine position. Have her roll around in this ball position.

Airplane
Have your child pretend he is an airplane taking of for flight. Have him lie on his stomach with his arms and hands out to each side as airplane wings. Have him raise his chest and legs of the floor and arch his back.

Cat Stretching
Have your child kneel on her hands and knees. Ask her to pretend she is an angry cat and arch her back as a cat does (Backbone curving upwards). Next, have her pretend she is a happy, relaxed cat and let the stomach curve downward.

Reaching for the Moon
Have your preschooler stand with his feet astride stretching arms forward and upward gradually raising up on his toes in his attempt to stretch and reach for the moon.

Play Jack-in-the-Box
Have your child get in a squatting position placing her hands on her head. As you say the following rhyme, on the last line, your child springs into the air stretching her body from her fingertips to her toes.

“Jack in the box
Closed up tight,
Open the cover,
And see what’s in sight.”

Rolling Log
Have your child lie on the floor on his back with arms above his head and legs together. Have him roll like a log across the rug.

How’d that go? Did you demonstrate the actions by getting down on the floor too?

Good! I’ll have more physical activities for your preschooler next week!

• Make sure they see YOU brushing and flossing every day. They will WANT to do what you are doing.
• Make a deal with them: “Mommy or Daddy brushes your teeth at night, and you can brush them in them morning.” Stick to that rule. They will feel like they are in charge, and you will be getting their teeth clean when it is most important.
• Take their toothbrush and toothpaste on trips.
• Tell them about “cavity bugs” or “sugar bugs” that will eat their teeth. We say, “Brush the bugs all out of there, and spit them down the drain!” It can actually be pretty fun.
• Make it a part of their bedtime ritual–e.g. brush teeth, use potty, read story, then bed. Something like that!

“the more time children spent in center-based care before kindergarten, the more likely their sixth grade teachers were to report such problem behaviors as ‘gets in many fights,’ ‘disobedient at school,’ and ‘argues a lot.’”

What’s particularly interesting is that this was true regardless of the quality of the center-based care they received. The study authors go on to suggest that these problems could be due to poor training, little time, and inadequate adult attention to address bad behavior or to resolve conflicts over toys or activities.

While we can’t always provide home-based care for our preschoolers, I think the advice from Dr. James Griffin, the NICHD Science Officer for the Study, just reminds us how important it is:

“These findings add to the growing body of research showing that the quality and type of child care a child experiences early in life can have a lasting impact on their development” said Dr. Griffin.

More information can be found in the press release from the NIH.

February is National Children’s Dental Health Month. Remember that a child’s teeth should be cleaned from the time that the first baby tooth comes in. Babies’ teeth should be wiped with just a moist washcloth. As the child gets older you should still be the one cleaning their teeth. Use a child-sized, soft-bristled toothbrush. Remember–adults should only use soft-bristled brushes as well! Any toothpaste with the ADA (American Dental Assoc.) seal can be used. There are many different brands and flavors–don’t hesitate to let your child try different ones. Since fluoride can make a child sick if swallowed in large quantities, be sure to smear only a small amount on the brush and teach them to rinse and spit–no swallowing! Flossing is difficult for a child, so encourage them to try and help them as they are learning. Brush after meals and snacks when possible but make sure the brushing before bedtime is a thorough one. Be sure they have nothing to eat or drink except water afterwards.

Take your child to the dentist early–age two or three. Nothing in depth, just to meet the dentist, maybe try a cleaning but do not make it a big deal. Sealants in teeth can save on future dental bills, but do not forget–you can still get cavities under sealants if they are eating sugar and not brushing their teeth. Avoid bottles and sippy cups in between meals unless it is water. Never, never, never send a child to bed with a milk or juice bottle. That is a great way to rot their teeth.

If you currently do that, do not feel bad, just start now by thinning the drink with water until they are off completely or drinking only water.

Do you ever reach into your bag to get an outfit for your child, and somehow only find one sock, the wrong jeans and a dirty shirt? An easy way to streamline your packing and to keep clean clothes separated from dirty ones is to use Ziploc storage bags. Place an entire day’s outfit; shirt, pants, socks, underwear, and other needed items into a gallon storage bag. You can buy Ziploc bags you can write on and write the day of the week on the bag. When it is time to dress your child, you’ll be amazed at how much less stress and less time it takes to get ready for the day.

Getting There

Most often we think of flying or driving to visit our destinations. Why not try a train?
Many small children are mesmerized by trains (Thomas, anyone?) and traveling by train can be a wonderful teaching tool, not to mention a chance for the family to spend time together and and have an adventure. A great idea for families with young children is to get a sleeper car. This provides nice beds for naps and overnight trips.
If you’re in the United States, Amtrak is pretty much the only deal in town, but it can often be much less expensive than flying. They also have discounts for AAA members, seniors, children, veterans and students. Check out the Amtrak website to see when they come through your town.

• Decide together home much time they can watch TV a day
  Practice selective television viewing by going over the television guide in your Sunday paper and deciding in advance what you’re watching and when.
  Watch some of the television programs your child watches. This will allow you to make suggestions and to have discussions about what is being shown.
  Help your child to understand the difference between the world on television and his real world.
  Use television viewing as a springboard to reading. For instance, a TV show about wild animals could prompt a visit to the library to find books on these subjects.

Make them accountable for their TV time

An excellent idea to reduce the amount of time your children are watching television or playing video games is to help them understand accountability for their time. Make an agreement with your children that for each minute they play video games or watch TV, they must spend a minute in some sort of physical activity (playing outside, dancing, etc.) or cerebral activity (reading, drawing, etc.) More than likely, they’ll enjoy the other activities so much that they’ll forget to go back to their video game.

No TV at mealtime

A study released in 2002 from The Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center showed that children who eat meals in front of the TV spend more time watching TV – more time than it takes to eat their meals. They believe this promotes overeating and minimal activity and thus increases the risk of childhood obesity. The children in the study who watched more than 2 hours of TV a day weighed more than the children of the same age who watched less than 2 hours of TV a day. So help your child to avoid watching TV while eating a meal by having “family meals” with the TV off.